Movie Review: HALLOWEEN 2

Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 is nothing more than cinematic puke. Zombie, who also wrote and directed 2007's Halloween rehash, tries to bring respectability and some kind of logic to a downright illogical story to no avail. It's more than fair to say the story doesn't work. It's also fair to say Halloween 2 is a contender for the worst film of 2009.

Starting right where the previous entry ended, Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton) lives with Sheriff Brackett and his daughter Annie (Brad Dourif and Danielle Harris), blissfully unaware of her true lineage. When no one can find the body of Michael Myers, Laurie has a hard time reconciling the monster is actually dead. The chase begins, with Michael indiscriminately killing everyone in his path to get to Laurie. (Psst...she's his sister, as seen in the first movie.)

Zombie tries to emulate The Dark Knight or other films involving deep, psychological underpinnings as a motivation for Michael's endless rampage. Throughout the film, he sees a young version of himself, his mother in a white dress and a white horse. They're supposed to signify purity or some such, based on the title card at the opening of the film. And every single time they appear to Michael, it's impossible not to think he's the ultimate Mama's Boy. Even during the climax, as Laurie is held by Michael (yep, a spoiler...), she is forced to say "I love you, Mommy." Um, eeewww. The idea, I think, is that Myers goes on his killing spree to reunite his family.

Which brings us to a bigger problem. Michael is pretty much invulnerable, as we see through the picture. He's hit with baseball bats and tire irons, shot and punched...and he keeps coming like the Energizer bunny. Why, then, does he go off half cocked and murder with no rhyme or reason? Why not make a beeline for Laurie, grab her and then leave? The simple answer, in the real world, is there would be no movie, no gore and nothing to put on the screen. But that answer doesn't wash in the context of the movie.

And Zombie doesn't much care for making sense or being rational, as far as this movie is concerned. Of course people continue to live in Haddonfield after the events of the first movie. Of course it's a backward place with rotary, corded telephones and a distinct lack of light bulbs. (Seriously, it's impossible to see details in half the movie and the other half is so dark, you wonder is people actually live like this.)

With music video-quick cuts, no real character growth for any person on screen and zero scares, Halloween 2 doesn't work on any level. There's a half-hearted attempt to make the film about Laurie's nightmares over Michael and, in the end, discovering who she is. Zombie either doesn't have the talent or the interest in crafting a story balancing the macabre and the insightful.

I've yet to mention Malcolm McDowall's Doctor Loomis, the guy who treated Michael in the first flick. Here, he's portrayed as a profiteer, selling books and cashing in on his Myers fame. He is aghast, however, when people begin to ask if he blames himself for the murders. How dare they!?! After all, Loomis was only Michael's doctor...and his ego won't contemplate the idea he could be wrong. Until the script demands it. And when it does, Loomis makes his way from a swanky hotel room to a field near Haddonfield in no time at all.

The lack of continuity or respect to distance and time is another issue. The lumbering Michael seems to make incredibly good time from one end of town to the other, all without a soul seeing him. (He does encounter a young boy on Halloween night and Zombie wants us to think there's a chance Michael will kill him. Let me erase the question: he doesn't.)

Halloween 2 is rated R for strong, brutal violence. Yeah, there's blood and all the usual trappings of a horror movie, but one gets the sense there's a longer, director's cut with more blood and gore. Or maybe it's the darkness which obscures the end result of the violence. Whatever it is, this cut of the picture feels as though it's not the final cut. Sadly. And the way this one ends, we're bound to see Halloween 3 with even more Mommy Dearest-type amateur-psychological bullshit from a guy who doesn't know any better.